happy birthday to myself, and some less happy musings

I was feeling emo when the clock hit 12 am, sad that life can be such an uphill climb. I was thinking to myself... perhaps I'll sacrifice quality of life for an easier time in my career. Who cares about making a lot of money. I never loved money that much in the first place. I don't need name brands or to eat out so much (bad for health). I don't need a huge house (will take forever to clean anyway). I am quite capable of living simply and humbly. In fact, that is more environmentally friendly.

This half a year has chipped at my resilience, motivation, self confidence and ambition. When I was in co-op in Canada, I felt encouraged, and uplifted because I knew what I was doing and everyone else acknowledged that I knew what I was doing. I thought I would be able to accomplish so much in the future. But even back then, I've always had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that some day the top will topple, or the coin will fall off the table, or the ground will break under my feet (or some other lame analogy). Life can't possibly be that smooth. Eventually I will fall into a hole. I mean, everyone falls into a hole at some point in their life. They go into the wrong field, the wrong job, which theoretically should have been perfect for them (or was perfect for them at the time) and later realize that wait a minute...it's totally opposite of what they were meant to do. Yet, switching out is difficult and risky. What if that's already the best option out there? My friends my understand but how can I explain to my parents?

I haven't quite fallen into said hole, but I feel like I'm close to the edge these days. I wonder if something will sweep me in, or if something will plunk me completely out of the situation.

And miraculously, something DID come my way (ie a random job offer without my applying for the same job description) that can potentially plunk me out of the situation due to different surroundings. But it takes a choice, and it may not be the best one either, considering how similar the job descriptions are. I'm at career crossroads. I have options. Yet I don't know what's best, and my intuition isn't telling me much, except that it will probably be a difficult end of the year. I pray that God will give me peace no matter what happens and the wisdom to discern the good path from the bad.

PIMPLE is a store apparently.

"sweet but greesy, fragrant but charred, crisp and tasty"

Greed

I'm doing a series about the 7 sins of humanity. The first part was lust. Next is greed : )

a week ago, I read an article for school regarding sustainable development. it was a recount, going pages and pages of the wretchedness of capitalism. how humans, in their fruitless pursuit to satisfy their greed, have ravaged and raped not just nature, but those less developed than they are. make no mistake about it. it is capitalism, the invisible hand, the free economy...etc. that is to blame for why there are no drugs for poor men diseases, why for something as simple as clean water is not accessible to the poor. and it is frustrating.

Here are excerpts from my essay written about the issue:

According to World Vision, “over the last two years, the number of hungry people has increased by 115 million” and more than 1 billion people experience hunger daily (World Vision). Hunger predisposes people to infectious diseases, including water-related ones. Half the population in developing countries who are suffering from a health problem are related to lack of clean water (Global issues). At the same time, world income has been increasing, with the rich becoming richer, and the wealth gap growing larger (Fernando). 20% of the population receives 85% of the world income, but accounts for 80% of the consumption, producing 2/3 of the world’s greenhouse gases (Fernando). In short, these are resource allocation issues; some members of humanity are consuming more than their fair share. Take Hong Kong, a capitalistic country, as a local microcosm. World Wildlife Federation Hong Kong states that our ecological footprint is twice the global average, and thus we would need an area 25 times greater than the size of our country to produce what we consume and absorb our wastes (WWFHK). This kind of human activity is directly impacting the Earth.

The World Wildlife Federation’s “Living Planet 2010” report stated that biodiversity is down 30% in 40 years due to habitat loss. Human beings are triggering the 6^th mass extinction (Barron, 2009). This not only means that we have lost precious sources of pharmaceuticals, useful natural materials, and antibiotics; it also implies that the planet’s ability to assimilate pollution has been weakened. Natural ecologies are becoming less resilient because decreased biodiversity means reduced ecosystem stability (Barron, 2009). A weak biosphere can be felt in terms of increased incidents of natural disasters due to climate change.

The problem is only aggravated by the fact that world population is increasing (human population is expected to reach 9 billion in 2050). There is a mentality that a developed internationally competitive, economically healthy country should have a strong GDP (or in other words, a lot of output in terms of goods and services, which draw on biological resources and services). When the United States’ economy faltered, the government’s first response is to introduce ‘stimulus’ packages to encourage people to consume and jumpstart production. Developing and newly industrialized countries such as China, are striving for the same kind of affluence of developed nations (and will thus demand more resources and produce more waste). WWF states that natural resources are being consumed faster than they are being replenished.

Finally, sustainable development is not a national or individual priority. People living in an affluent society of wealthy nations are sheltered from the solemn realities of this world. They can choose to avoid seeing poverty, disease, hunger, and war. They are far removed from those who produce their merchandise. Moreover, humans have a short and narrow perspective that does not extend into the future, or beyond family and friends (Sarkar, 1999).

The above story presents a global, pervasive, yet incredibly complex problem that will result in increased mass human suffering if not addressed. Why should we care? From a moral and ethical standpoint, there is no excuse to be complacent. From a basic biological perspective, humanity should take every effort to ensure their survival. Every species is evolutionarily inclined to propagate their genes into future generations. The end of the human race does not bode well for anyone.

The problem of sustainability has long been recognized (for example, Limits to Growth was published in 1972), but it has been pushed to the forefront in recent years, because we are finally forced to reckon with it when we find the fish supply dwindling, and are shocked that polar bears are drowning.

While it is overwhelming, the importance of sustainable development is why scientists and experts in different fields and places have convened in its name. The United Nations Conference on Environment and Development (UNCED), Earth Summit was held in Rio de Janeiro in 1992, and generated Agenda 21, which is now an outdated document. The 2002 Johannesburg Summit resulted in a disappointment, and no concrete action plan on any government’s part. This is because national goals will always trump global ones. Since these conferences did not accomplish much (and just generated a lot of paper, killing many trees), someone can point to them and say that we should give up, because sustainable development is unrealistic.

However, we should not be pessimistic or give up. If no attention has been paid to sustainable development, if it was deemed meaningless from the start, the world situation may have been even been worse. For example, conservation efforts from the Endangered Species Act, the World Wildlife Fund, and protected land, have kept biodiversity from declining another 20% (Time.)

At any given moment, humans will not have all the information or knowledge or wisdom at hand. We need to acknowledge that, as well as adopt the paradigm that humans do not have domination and control over nature. Not knowing how to define “sustainable development” is not a reason to state that it is meaningless to make it our goal. Despite the lack of understanding around it, it is fact that people are suffering. It is fact that biodiversity is decreasing. If current trends keep up, humanity will meet its demise in a slow, painful drawn out death.

dreaming of a magical rose garden

I like this quote:
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.” ~ Dale Carnegie

I'm really guilty of this. There is a lovely rose garden that's already blooming in my life, and I'm always wanting to bypass each day as quickly as possible so that I can be there in the future, enjoying the richness of my hard labour . I need to realize how far I have gone already and be rejoicing in that. If my past-me, fresh off the plane into HK, knew that I am still in HK after a year, I would have been happy.

I'm much refreshed after my lovely vacation (see fb for picture) oct 29 - nov 3, and while I'm still not all gungho about work and all the challenges that it entails, at least I was able to realize that even though not every moment is enjoyable, there are pleasant experiences every week (or dare I say, every day?)

I'm very scared actually and uncertain. In University, after year 2 it is year 3. After University (and now after Master's), there is no set path. I need to choose, assess my own abilities and get there somehow. I'm not so confident in my abilities to do that, especially when I see others around me struggling.

lust, sin of humanity

Disneyland was wonderful, from the hunny jar ride to 'it's a small world'. Even the food. And the silly tea cup ride.

Weeks after that, I went to a sheep farm but said sheep were disappointingly ugly. I was expecting fluffy and soft, like stuff you can roll around in...not goat-like creatures with strange scrotum-like bells hanging off their throat. But it's okay. There was a cow, so I was satisfied. (and cute rabbits, and the cutest dogs, and cute hamsters).

If my boss approves, I am going to Korea soon. I already booked my flight so actually, it doesn't matter if he approves or not.

What else is new? I get sleepy after lunch. Oh wait, that's not new. Oh yes, I am going to get my eye mapped soon in preparation for intraocular contacts lenses!! I will no longer be half blind or be a slave to glasses/contacts if successful.

disneyland

seafood restaurant. no actually. it's part of the lab where i work at.

petri plates stacked sky high

I thought this was cute...

Eco-friendly toilets, specialized to handle an the extra heavy load if need be.

and the next part will be my rail about the prevalence of lust in humanity.

many of the ads in one stretch of hallway in HK at any given time are pictures of grotesque women. they aren't women. they are dolls.

she is quite 'ample', complete with glowing skin. this company promises you this look, and subsequently a perverted male for only couple thousand of HKD. preposterous, isn't it?

maybe all of this is contributing to the skyrocketing numbers of divorces in the world. pre-marrital and adultery are wrecking marriages, and the fabric of society. nothing good will come out of it for anyone.

this was a subject that i was relucant to look up because i know the more i know, the more upset i will be. but i didn't want to shelter myself anymore, so i went and read the details on sex trafficking. i read difficult stories about some decent, well educated women who were tricked, transported, and violently and forcefully beaten/starved/tortured/raped into the trade and out of their dignity. about those messed up lives that came at the expense of men's lust and perversion, which knew no moral or ethical bounds. the phenomenon was so prevailing, widespread and in such staggering numbers that it made me cry. it was perverse.
perhaps another indicator for this trend towards moral depravity can been seen in the explosion of cosmetic surgery in all parts of the world. why must women undergo pain and suffering under the knife to satisfy the superficial biological primitive preferences of males? in korea, husbands never see their wives' true face. the cometics industry somehow turned the natural phenomenon of aging into a disease.

400% daily intake of vitamin A

My lunch was rice with four pieces of egg with yolks (2 large eggs in total probably) and tofu + tuna mix. Talk about PROTEIN. Feeling kinda unbalanced after that kind of a lunch, I went downstairs in search for vegetable. but it had to be cheap and tasted good.

To maximize nutrients while minimizing calories, I opted for bolthouse farm`s 100% carrot juice. (this decision was made after about 5 minutes of reading the labels on 6 varieties of juice).

Thinking it`ll be something nasty, like the stuff my mom made for me once when i was small, i prepared myself. Only, it was sweet, smooth and succulent. this was carrot juice. It tasted like carrot of course, but it was creamy and sweet! there was no hint of vegetable bitterness or nastiness stuck at the back of my throat. I am quite impressed.

And so that`s how I got about 400% of my daily intake of vitamin A.

I repeated this incident with vitamin E (blueberry juice) and vitamin C (orange juice), because Bolthouse farm drinks come in large sizes.

random cute thing of the week.


newest amigurumi:

I am tutoring my colleague in English. But actually, I'd much rather eat lunch by myself and read the newspaper or zone out or download apps onto my phone than spend 1 hr across from a unibrow, balding man who is talking more than listening, and complaining that he is not improving. But I get 100$ each week just for that. I'd be dumb not to take it. Okay I am very mean. My colleague is very very nice. But it's reality. He really IS balding, and his eyebrows are really stuck together.

Ruby tuesday. I balled on a $600 HKD membership (half price for everything).

Burger of epic proportions.
Salad of epic proportions.
I am slightly curious as to what kind of happiness 'happy sex shop' entails. Actually no I'm not.

This past month, I have been agonizing over whether or not my boss will renew my contract if he will simply deem me to be useless and expensive. I mean, I don't think I am horribly dumb or excessively lazy, but you never know.... HK is a different playing field. I read the local news about the HK phenomenon of young couples who can't get married because they can't save enough to buy a house, or about the young fresh university graduates who can't find a decent job with normal working hours and respectable income. This scares me.

Anyway. He kept me so I think I must be somewhat useful. I feel much better this week about my life while feeling worse about the world. For class, I had to read a journal on sustainability, and in this article, the author cited statistics on poverty and other socioeconomical issues in the world. He chalked it all up to capitalism and globalization, which to me, is really the manifestation of greed in human nature. Which disappoints me to no end. It is atrocious that in some countries, military spending exceeds spending in society. For a frickin' tank, you could feed hundreds.

I am a 'weak bean'!

Latest amigurumi creation (keychain sized)



Random photos of the month:

Octopi are cute...

Sculptures made out of car wheels


Excellent indian soup. I think I talked about this before in one of my posts (don't remember). Anyway, as I was enjoying my Indian meal, I saw a bunch of Indian MVs, and they all feature a man flirting with some pretty girl singing in high-pitched, frolicking about in highly unrealistic romantic settings. Anyway, it all seemed so romantic and lovely that I wanted to be in an Indian MV too until I realized that the men always had bad hairstyles.






I am exhausted like never before in my life. So I took a random sick leave this week so I can sleep until noon and recharge, and actually be able to do some work on Friday as opposed to using all my energy to pretend I'm awake.

This worries me a bit. I'm such a "weak bean" (a chinese saying) compared to everyone else in HK it seems, who work their infamous hours, go on business trips, then take part time jobs over the weekend for yet more money (which apparently is still not enough to afford a house because prices are *that* exorbitant.)

If it's survival of the fittest (which it is), I lose. Somehow, I'm surviving... in fact, to many, it seems like I'm thriving.

Sometimes I feel that I am going to fall through the golden cloud that I am floating on someday. Someday, I may lose something, or get thrown violently headfirst into some cold reality. And so accustomed to my way of life that I would not be able to adapt...

I can't talk about this to my HK friends (nor would they come to this blog)... because chances are, they probably have it worse than me.

But in fact, I feel bad for even worrying... I really should be punished for not being more grateful >__< I've been blessed with so much, while so many people are going through things far more difficult than myself.

Yet... I really want to rant about my worries sometimes!



Lots of activities, but otherwise nothing new to report (actually I think I'm so forgetful that I don't remember life past last week, hahah...). Some very happy events have been dotting the otherwise plain landscape of work-life, but details are already mixed into the spaghetti of my memories like spaghetti sauce.

I still miss school ><

September represents a fresh start t0 the sea of students that form enormous lines at the caf and blockades in the hallway at my workplace (ie a university). I still remember the familiar autumn air in waterloo, which still has a hint of manure in it, but is otherwise crisp and leafy. My textbooks were all shining in their wrappers, immaculate and expensive.

I dream of Canada. I am in my oversized room, when a biologically enhanced male without his shirt on approaches. He is sent to prevent my 'escape' from the confines of my own room.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend is showering in the other room, singing to himself, oblivious and happy as a seal eating fish.

This is not the beginning of a cheap porn flick. The mysterious stranger has been sent to prevent the escape from the confines of my room. I size him up.

The dream ends, and I wake up bewildered.

Interpretations anyone?

A week in the life of... (warning, boring entry)

I go through life, and I forget. I forget the times when I did this or did that. After awhile, it becomes a 'I don't remember what it was like, but I think there was time when I woke up super early and piled into the car to go to a dusty, dirty, dingy, hot, stinky place where I had to wear steel toed shoes for 4 months straight'.

So I will document life at work now. A week life example.

A week in the life of cherry: approx one year after graduating from undergrad

Monday

It is Monday morning, and it is not the worse day of the week. I still do not realize that I am at work, and my mind is still turning around dazedly and without any aim, wondering what new happy thing will be in store for me (aka still in weekend mode). If I'm lucky, the fire breathing spider (aka boss, nicknamed inspired by first boss from Devil May Cry 1) would not have crawled its way into my office. Either way, I must be "immersed" in work as if I was actually awake.

Curing chronic sleepiness

Waking up in the morning is the worst part of my job, and I have not gotten used to it. Seems like being in the working world for more than 2 years is not going to help, if my sleepy boyfriend is any indicator. So I decided to try something drastic. I am going to turn myself into a chirping morning animal. The type who will annoy the heck out of the current me. After reading the first few articles that came up in a google search, I realized that it is simple in theory, but difficult to put into practice. The formula is basically ‘wake up every day at the same time but sleep at different times every day based on when you are able to sleep. Before sleeping, wind down and use melatonin pills if necessary for the first few nights’. Including Saturdays and Sundays. I’m going to be one grumpy animal, but I will do this for the sake of living like a normal human being on weekday mornings. I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED ON HOW I DO!

Somehow I think it’s going to work. I was once on the edge of being sick one night (and I was overjoyed at the prospects of a potential sick leave the next day) but my mother stuffed me with drowsy cold medicine, which put me out, and I woke up healthier and less sleepy than normal the next day. I was so angry because I was looking forward to a sick leave. So it is not the amount of sleep I get (because I do get enough), but it is my internal sleep cycle. I’m a bit better around noon, but after lunch, I’m out again. In other words, I’m rarely using my brain to its fullest extent because I’m always half dead.

Monday mornings pass pretty quickly. Then, I start wondering what to eat, and questioning my friends on MSN when my colleagues start yelling that they are off for lunch right after 12. Most eat together, and go off in packs, like wolves.

Lunches with self

I love having lunches with myself. I’d avoid people during this time, and avoid even those farewell/birthday lunches. Cuz I'm antisocial like that!

Chinese class

After work, I am off to chinese class. Sometimes, when I am not dead tired, I go shopping, and all the salespeople approach me in mandarin, and when I look at them blankly, they go "oh sorry, just that there are too many mainlanders these days." It's true... soon my office will be full of them. I need to learn potonghua next.

Tuesdays

Tuesdays are the worse. Either I'm just in a plain bad mood due to the shock of being back at work (this time it hits me), or I am despairing at why it is still tuesday and that there is still a full 4 days left until weekend.

Exercise and Diet

Because I eat out too much, I am now motivated to do things that I’ve always wanted to do but did not have time/too lazy to in the past. Like go downstairs and swim. Or jog. Run up a hill. Go on salad diets. Order the cheapest things on the menu with the most vegetables. Or go belly dancing.

Belly dancing

I don't think it's normal to get toe cramps 7 out of 10 times. But I get them. And they hurt. But I cope each lesson.

Money

I am currently tutoring a colleague. His inability in language is my opportunity to capitalize, and so of course I took the liberty of offering my services to him. It's at the expense of one quiet lunch by myself per week, in which I am sitting across from a uni-browed balding man struggling to find the words.

Money is a good thing. I don’t know if it’s the HK effect or if it is growing up and realizing that everything costs money. But one day, I hope to spiritually mature enough to give it all away to causes in the world, and live a happy frugal abundant life.

Crocheting

And with more yarn and supplies than ever, because HK is just sooo good like that--I'm back at this hobby. I would love to say that I crochet on the bus to save time, but sad to say, I don't. Which brings me to my next topic.

Commuting (I typed transmuting by accident)

During my daily 1 hourish commutes, I just sleep or sit there half dazed.

Fridays

By this point in the week, I don't mind work so much. At 4:30 I am working hard after my post lunch slump. I am gungho, doing things at lightning speed and awake. But time to go! Clock strikes 5;45 and I skip happily to meet my friend to eat and then to go belly dancing together.

AND, congratulations to self, I have reached the WEEKEND! And hoping for lucky things like getting sick or typhoons the next following week.